I've been trying to come up with a list of new year's resolutions I might adopt. So far, this is all I can come up with. Any other suggestions?
- Train my voice to sound like Alec Baldwin's;
- Finally write that letter to Miley Cyrus explaining how badly she screwed up the geography of LA in her song "Party in the USA" and demanding a public apology;
- End sentences with "if you know what I mean" more often, in a business context;
- Develop and distribute my own brand of exclamation points, under the malapropism/pun/trademark "For All Intensive Purposes!";
- Purchase a parrot, teach it to speak in a made-up language, then go public and claim I have discovered and interpreted parrot language; eventually, get on the Today show.
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